TV Review: V

Before I get to V, I'm going to start by talking about another science fiction show that airs on ABC: Lost. Lost is a character driven drama that features tropical polar bears, carnivorous smoke monsters, the walking dead, and a guest spot by Michelle Rodriguez. All-in-all, some crazy stuff happens on that show and most of it doesn't make sense. Time moves in strange ways, people are commonly omnipotent, and it took several seasons for Kate and Sawyer to bang.

All that being said, Lost is not nearly as ludicrous as the show V. It's also not nearly as boring. Although I'm a few episodes behind on V, let me try to give the general recap of an episode

"This week on V, the Visitors (the aliens) come up with an amazing new medical breakthrough, which they use to save many human lives. This spectacular technology was developed on their awe-inspiring mother ship, a feat of science so impressive and wonderful that the Gods themselves do tremble. Meanwhile, a rag-tag group of insurgents create sloppy, half-brained plans to stop the V that are poorly executed and show little-to-no intelligence. Although the Visitors can traverse space time and cure cancer, they have yet to develop enough surveillance technology to find these insurgents. It seems that the Visitors know everything except the whereabouts of our heroes."

And scene. So, I'm not stupid. I know that the V can't find our heroes out of convenience to the story, because it wouldn't be much of a show if the V came and killed all of the protagonists in thirty seconds. Still, it's lazy.

It's like the end of Mean Girls, when they go to the Mathletes competition. Do you really expect me to believe Lindsay Lohan outsmarted that other girl in math? No, but I do it because it works for the story and because that movie is fucking awesome. V is only batting 50% here.

I'm going to write my own story, called The Race. Here is our hero, Herbert:

Herbert is a lovable elephant from a disadvantaged background. All his life, he's been told he can't run races because he's an elephant and therefore is slow. Herbert has a good heart. He helps the elderly and writes poetry for sick children. Yet, he's constantly reminded that he can't live his dream of running a race. One day, his parents are killed in a boat crash and he has to go live with his aunt and uncle, who are strict, but sassy humans. It turns out, his uncle is a former racer and decides to help Herbert follow his dream out of pity. After several montages of hard work, Herbert starts winning races and makes it all the way to the championships!! This is the biggest race of his life, and he's prepared to make his parents proud. He's up against the fastest racer in the land, Jetman:

In an amazing turn of fate, Herbert wins the race! Everyone rejoices...even Jetman is moved by the beauty of the moment and gives Herbert an emotional hug. With his dreams complete, Herbert retires into the jungle and lives happily ever after.

NO FUCKING WAY THIS WOULD BE POSSIBLE! Look at Jetman. HE'S WEARING A JET! HOW DO YOU BEAT THAT IN A RACE?!?!? Yet, for the sake of story, Herbert wins. It doesn't make sense. Not at all. That's how I feel about V. Except V lacks the emotional depth of my story.

Rating: 2/5 stars.