TV Review: Parks and Recreation

"You're" being Parks and Recreation. High praise. This dude was pretty accomplished.

Rating: 5/5 stars.

Album Review: Born This Way

I'll be the first to admit I wanted to use Born This Way to take a dump on GaGa for constantly overstating her musical importance. She might not realize this, but her music isn't the greatest thing to happen in the history of time.

Yet, I can't help but feel consistently entertained by her new album. It would be sort of a bitch move to knock the album for GaGa's 'tude, especially since there aren't any actual tracks on the disc entitled, "THE GREATEST SONG IN HISTORY," or something similar.

So, here are my quick thoughts:

1. Judas is probably the 10th best song on the 14 song set, so I have no idea why the eff she choose it as a single.

2. As much as this CD is full of weird dance pop and references to unicorns (no joke), my favorite track is probably the mid-tempo power ballad, You and I.

3. If asked to summarize the album in four words, I would say: Springsteen. Disco. 80s. Crazy.

4. I hope her next album is a spin-off of Government Hooker. Specifically, the operatic introduction.

5. Her music videos for this set have been comparatively disappointing. I'm still waiting to find out what happened to Beyonce and GaGa after they drove off at the end of the Telephone video. Aside from some generous scissoring (I hope).

6. I am really hungry right now. Chinese food time.

Alright, that's all folks.

Rating: 4/5 stars. Yep, bet you didn't think I'd be that generous.

TV Review: American Idol Season 10

A few observations:

1. Randy Jackson is not Simon Cowell. I know he thinks he is, but he isn't. For example, Simon can get away with wearing tight t-shirts. Also, Simon infrequently says ridiculous things. "In it to win it" isn't feedback. It could almost be substituted with, "you auditioned for American Idol!" Ugh he's such an asshat. He should be the new spokesperson for Subway Sandwiches.

2. JLO fucking sucks. Not only does she suck for some of her stupid outfits (Chilean miner's wife was a personal favorite), but she says dumb things. Also, of all of the judges, she seems to have the biggest biases.

3. Steven Tyler is alright. Maddeningly positive, but alright. He gets a pass.

4. There's a lot of raw talent this season, but apparently those contestants have no idea how to use it without seeming crazy. See: Jacob Lusk, Casey Abrahms, Haley Reinhart pre-Elton John night, Naima Adedapo, etc

5. Remember all of the drama when Pia got eliminated? Yeah, I can't either. Because I don't think a single person cares about her now that Haley emerged as the season's alpha female.

6. Remember that time that Haley's top 3 elimination turned out to be the most upsetting, even though she made it much further than both Pia and Casey? I do. Boy, I do.

7. Does anybody actually have a strong emotional investment in either of the top 2? I don't care if either of them win.

8. I'm ok with The X Factor and The Voice being my singing shows for the upcoming TV season.

Rating: 2/5 stars, with 1.5 of those stars coming solely from Haley Reinhart.

Movie Review: Bridesmaids

So per my previous post, here's a quick take on Bridesmaids.

1. Everytime I spell the title, I'm somehow shocked the letter "s" appears twice.

2. The movie is fucking hilarious.

3. (spoiler) Someone poops in the street, so I was bound to like this movie no matter what.

4. Cheri Oteri had fewer scenes than I would have liked. Aka zero scenes.

5. Jon Hamm is a skeezeball in the movie. My group left divided on whether or not we would still hit him as that character. I would still hit that.

6. Because of the movie, I've spent a solid 6-8 hours listening to Wilson Phillips on repeat.

7. Related to my earlier point about spelling, spell check doesn't like "everytime." Um, why don't you ask Britney Spears about that word, stupid computer dictionary!

Rating: 4.5/5 Stars. Minus 0.5 for lack of Cheri Oteri.

Riha Reviews Update

Hey friends,

So I know I'm really terrible about updating this. I think I'm going to make an attempt to post more often, but my reviews will be much shorter...sort of like a "quick bite" sort of thing. I feel like I've used the "quick bite" terminology before. I'm inventive.

ANYWAY! Let me know what you think of this!!

-Riha