Unless you live in a cave or just got out of prison, you know that Glee made its return to tv last night, following a rather tepid episode of American Idol. Naturally, I was full of excitement because this show is super super super gay and therefore fits my lifestyle. I even wore my dress snuggie for the occasion and had a fancy dinner from Domino's pizza.
After watching the episode, I was forced to face a sad reality. Yes, the show is super fabulous, the singing is great, and the one liners are hilarious. However, the plot lines are so ridiculous and poorly planned that I have to suspend my belief to the point where they could probably get away with some Lost-esque antics. Oh wait, Lost understands story structure. Bad analogy. I guess I should have thought through this paragraph before I started. TAKE NOTE, WRITERS.
Here's how I imagine the Glee storyboarding process sounds:
Producer 1: "Oh hay guys, Lionel Richie gave the rights to his song Hello. And we have Gives You Hell! And Highway to Hell! Can't wait to put these all in an episode!!"
Producer 2: "OMG you guys, Idina Menzel agreed to guest star in Glee! And that dude from Spring Awakening. People will totes mcgotes want to watch this."
Staff Writer: "Lolz I just wrote a really funny Katrina joke har har har."
Head Writer: "HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TURN THIS INTO AN EPISODE?!?"
They should hire this guy to handle the episodes, because he'll do a better job:
Those glasses mean business! And he's clearly literate.
So anyway, here's my plot summary of last night:
Ok so the Glee kids are back at school and everything's super awesome because they won sectionals but now they have to get ready for regionals so the best way to do that is to sing a song with the word "Hello" in it because this is a new beginning for them or some garbage and then Sue is back at school and she wants to take down the Glee club to get revenge on Will so naturally she enlists two high school girls to do her dirty work because anyone who's ever manufactured anything knows children are the best workers and adults are incapable of handling anything and then Rachel is super in love with Finn but he feels smothered so they break up and then immediately Santana and Brittany ask him out while Jesse from Vocal Adrenaline, that's their rivals btw, makes a play for Rachel and omg she's in love and it's 25 minutes into the episode and then Finn decide he does want to be with Rachel and this is about four minutes after he broke up with her and then oh wow she's with this Jesse guy and Finn thinks it's a trap and so Will goes to the Adrenaline rehearsal and Idina Menzel tries to suck his face but it doesn't work because he just divorced his wife three minutes ago and he's dating Emma but clearly that means nothing but it does because he stops and then Emma breaks up with him after Terri drops in and freaks her out because oh wait Will just got divorced five minutes ago and and so all of the relationships that started built last season are gone one episode in and pretty much all of this is moot because next week is the Madonna episode and nothing else matters.
Yes I love Glee, but I think the plot is best summarized this way:
Rating: 3/5 stars