First of all,
CHECK ME OUT BITCHES, I HAVE A DOZEN FOLLOWERS! This is great. I'm in such a good mood, I'm going to write a happy review. Of all the shows on tv that make me happy, perhaps Modern Family makes me the happiest. Short sentences also make me happy! Cake batter too. Chinese food. Mmm.
Anyway, everyone ever should watch this show because it's extremely funny, has great characters, and does a good job of portraying gayness. One time I even waited until the show was over to go poop, instead of just pausing Tivo and going when I had the urge. I was that caught up in the excitement. So I want everyone ever to start watching Modern Family. Here's why:
1. You won't feel like an idiot when you're with me. I like to quote TV ALL THE TIME and I don't really plan to change my ways any time soon.
2. I won't feel like an idiot for quoting TV all the time, because you'll respond to my quotes and therefore validate that constantly quoting TV is socially acceptable.
3. If you're a lady, your boobs will get bigger. If you're a man, your penis will grow...in a permanent sense. Not a temporary sense. This is science from my research at the University of Missouri--Riha's Couch. Also, if you have both/neither parts, then you'll win the lottery. Furthermore, this point is based on a biological definition of gender. If you identify as a lady but have a pee pee, then it will rain candy next time you go outside. If you identify as a dude but have a clam trap, then you'll find twenty dollars the next time you do your laundry. Everybody wins!
4. Interestingly, the research from UMRC shows that slight boob and penis shrinkage occurred when the Modern Family watcher already possessed giant assets and wanted to reduce them.
5. Watching Modern Family makes puppies smile.
6. EVERY TIME YOU DON'T WATCH MODERN FAMILY, YOU DESTROY A BABY'S SOUL.
How can you live with yourself?
7. Every week I have a new favorite character, because they're all generally outstanding. I would analogize this to having a diverse quantity of items that you enjoy equally and then picking one based on your mood. If you like having options, in any context, then you'll enjoy Modern Family.
8. Judy Greer guest starred. She might have appeared in a little show called ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. Like, go buy us some coffee. I just blue myself. But where did the lighter fluid come from? POINTS ONE AND TWO JUST CAME TO PASS. So do you feel like an idiot or do you feel awesome right now?
9. Every time I watch Modern Family I bake and then eat the delicious bounty from my oven's harvest. If you watch with me, I will bake for you. The parts of this point that make sense are lies.
10. Alright, since this post has already jumped the shark, I would like to conclude by saying that this post included a reference to science in it, and you can't argue with science. So watch Modern Family. And if you need more motivation, look at that baby's face and think about what you're doing when you don't watch.
Rating: 4.5/5 stars