Saturday, May 15, 2010

Single Review: California Gurls

Attention world! Katy Perry is back with her next single, and she's achieved self-congratulatory superstar status!! Her latest single, the obnoxiously misspelled California Gurls, is hitting the airwaves and she wants you to know one thing:

California girls are the hottest. She is a girl from California. Ergo, she is one of the hottest. This song bothers me for several reasons.

1. Katy Perry sort of looks funny. I mean, she's definitely pretty on some level, but I feel like most of it is make-up/stylists. Here's an example. Sure, she looks dolled up in the photo, but if you stare at her face long enough she looks like she's sucking on a lemon.

Anyway, I definitely don't believe that you need to be super gorgeous to be successful in the music industry. I do, however, think you need to be super gorgeous to sing a song saying you're a member of the most elite, sexually desirable women on the planet.

2. Snoop Dogg is brought in as an expert witness. He "testifies" that California girls are the hottest. Listen, that ding dong is so high that I don't think he's qualified to judge anything, let alone female attractiveness. He'd probably get a hummer from Delta Burke and not even care. I don't buy it.

3. I'm sorry. Call me an idiot, but who the hell drinks gin and juice? That's an odd mix. California girls may be beautiful, but that lyric makes them sound ass stupid. Definitely proof that the state is going through an education crisis.

4. I feel disappointed that there's nothing in the song comparing her sexual ability to an earthquake. Really really disappointed.

5. I've actually been to California and the only "California girls" I saw were lesbians and some really sassy gay men. I guess I can't properly judge the accuracy of the song since I didn't go to Southern California, but I'd rather retain my soul so that's fine.

Wow, this review really turned into a rant against Southern California. Sorry. But not really.

Rating: 3/5 stars (what can I say, it's catchy)

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