TV Review: Academy of Country Music Awards

Ok, I know what you're thinking:

"Hey Riha, what's a big gaylord like you doing watching the Academy of Country Music Awards? Isn't that genre just for people who are less gay than you? Why would someone SO GAY want to spend three hours watching country music performances and awards? Also, gaybrain, do you even know anything about country music? GAY."

First of all, you're being rude for assuming that being gay precludes me from enjoying country music. Sure, I tend to prefer sassy country chicks to songs that are like "I country bumpkined my lady behind the tractor," but I still like the genre. Secondly, you can lay off the gay language. That's inappropriate and offensive, so check your tone. I'm highly affronted.

So, I watched all three hours of the ACM awards (I've busted out the abbrev, keep up) for a few reasons:

1. I really don't have a life, I'll take any excuse to jump into my "around-the-house" snuggie, and I enjoy sitting on my couch, motionless. Like a beached whale.

2. I have a metaphorical boner for Miranda Lambert and I wanted to see her win a bunch of trophies that look like modern art, but are actually made out of plastic. Check out Carrie Underwood. She's getting more action than I am, that's for sure. But the real point here is that the trophy looks stupid.

3. Guys at the ACM awards can be SUPER HOT and tend to wear really tight jeans. I saw Tim McGraw's penis when he was singing. Well done, Faith Hill.

4. I was having a low self-esteem day and knew that at least one performance would make me cry, because sometimes country music is DAMN SAD and usually has a deceptive title. A song called "I'm in Love" might actually have a chorus like this:

I'm in love with a girl

Pretty as can be

Life would be so happy

Were it her and me

But tragically

We can never love

Because she was killed

A plane fell from above

Yeah, so I expected waterworks because country music likes to MESS WITH YOUR MIND.

Anyway, Reba McEntire was hosting, which was super distracting because I tend to think in pop culture references, so everytime she was on screen I saw this:

FYI Reba's supposed to be on the left, if you're confused. I swear to God she said she would be hanging out backstage and I thought to myself, "HANGIN LIKE MY NUTS." So, to that end, Reba was a good choice of host because I kept myself entertained, but when she got on stage and sang I Keep On Lovin You, the Keenan imagery got awkward. My imagination is too vivid. And to take you right there with me, it was gay interracial sex imagery between the two pictured. You're welcome. YOU CAN'T UNREAD THAT.

If that last paragraph was a bunch of nonsense, go here: http://www.hulu.com/watch/110300/saturday-night-live-digital-short-two-worlds-collide-ft-reba-mcentire

Ok, this post is definitely digressing. I don't really have a rant here aside from "I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC PENDING THE THEMATIC NATURE OF THE SONG" so I might wrap things up soon. Miranda Lambert won Album of the Year, Top Female Vocalist, and Video of the Year and I was super happy about that. Then she sang The House That Built Me, which is about going back to your childhood home after you've moved on. Since my childhood home is being sold soon, I definitely cried an assload during that. FYI that last sentence made me picture myself crying tiny butts into the bed of a truck. Did I mention I'm still on drugs for my chest infection? That is my constant scapegoat. I'm like the kitten with the fishbowl, which is an expression I just made up so I CAN DO THIS:

This might be my worst post ever.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Album Review: Revolution

If there’s one artist I wish people would take a chance on, it’s Miranda Lambert. For the third time in a row, she’s created a CD that expresses a range of emotions through incredible craftsmanship, witty lyrics, heartfelt singing, and slick production. Even more impressively, she manages to do this while maintaining one of the strongest artistic identities in the country genre. Her unique brand of defiant feminism makes another blond reality show winner seem like a cardboard cutout. No name-dropping here, but you can probably guess the reference.

The title of her third LP, Revolution, is both a misnomer and the perfect name for this album. Upon learning the title, I assumed I would be in store for the same defiance and rebellion Lambert’s superlative second disc, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, exhibited. Alas (or fortunately), Revolution takes Lambert’s sound in a softer and more mature direction. Granted, her personality shows through, but she’s grown up now. Love, loss, and relationships are treated with a greater degree of nuance and subtly. The lead single, Dead Flowers, laments a relationship that does not seem to quit. “I feel like the flowers in this vase/He just brought ‘em home one day/Ain’t they beautiful, he said/They’ve been here in the kitchen and the water’s turning gray/They’re sitting in the vase, but now they’re dead. Dead flowers.” It’s this sort of powerful imagery and creative writing that makes Revolution feel like a more even and complete CD than any of Lambert’s earlier efforts.

That being said, the only slight disappointment is that Revolution doesn’t contain any songs that are as dramatic as some of the best moments of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. This time, there aren’t any bar fights, yet Lambert does manage to inject her special brand of spunk on a few numbers. Only Prettier is a kiss-off to some sort of rival. Perhaps is a political statement, perhaps it’s a message to a certain blond singer, and perhaps it’s just directed at anyone. The writing is good enough to translate the song to a variety of situations. Her choice to cover That’s The Way the World Goes Round also shows her feisty side.

I do have to say, I think I prefer Revolution for its artistic consistency. Two of the best songs Lambert has ever recorded appear here, yet they’re both subtle and elegant—characteristics that didn’t apply to her previous works. Heart Like Mine has Lambert accepting her flaws with dignity and a bit of humor and The House That Built Me is perhaps one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard this year (or ever, for that matter). With Revolution, Lambert shows that she’s the real deal. This is one carnival ride actually worth taking. Get the hint?

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

Savage Songs: Dead Flowers, Only Prettier, Heart Like Mine, The House That Built Me

Single Review: Dead Flowers

Sometimes a great song does not make a great single, as evidenced by Miranda Lambert’s newest release, Dead Flowers. For the purpose of this blog, I will try to limit my observations to a song’s quality and not let its radio accessibility interfere with my judgment. However, I do have to point out that despite this track’s greatness, I doubt it will have a great deal of Top 40 success. That strikes me as sad, because Miranda Lambert is one of the most vibrant and interesting country artists in the business today. If this song is any indication, she’s forsaken commercial viability for artistic integrity and if a lead single is designed to generate enthusiasm for an upcoming album, Lambert has definitely done her part with Dead Flowers.

Now, let me try to back up my sweeping generalizations with some examples from the song. Lambert is one of the most gifted songwriters in the industry right now. On Dead Flowers, she has taken the concept of a dying relationship and tied it into some of the most vivid imagery I’ve heard on a song this year. “I feel like the flowers in this vase/He just brought ‘em home one day, ain’t they beautiful he said/They’ve been here in the kitchen and the water’s turning gray/They’re sitting in the vase, but now they’re dead/Dead flowers.” As the song continues, Lambert throws in more examples: Worn out tires, Christmas lights in January, and the recurring theme of dead flowers. Although they might not be what one would think of to analogize a failed love, Lambert’s deceptively simple use of language makes the connection.

Aside from her lyrics, Lambert’s singing is extraordinary. She doesn’t have the most polished voice. She can’t belt like Carrie Underwood. She doesn’t have the range of Martina McBride. What she does have, however, is the uncanny ability to infuse all of her vocal performances with an honesty and emotion appropriate for her material. On Dead Flowers, she almost deadpans a good deal of the song, to highligh how resigned she is to her relationship’s deterioration. The only sort of emotion erupts at the end, when she cries, “I’m living in a hurricane/All he can say is man, ain’t it such a nice day.” Now, I have to comment on why this song will not be a success on pop radio. Although it crescendos, it never reaches the emotional release that one would expect. It’s as if the track leaves you hanging at the end, without a clear sense of resolution. This might frustrate country radio, where most songs tell succinct stories, but given the song’s subject matter it’s a perfect musical representation of a relationship that is dying but will not end. As much as I want Lambert to charge into the spotlight, I’d rather have her artistic integrity intact. Mission accomplished.

Rating: 4/5 stars