Wednesday, June 16, 2010

TV Review: Glee Season Finale/Season One

Ok, a few things to clear up.

First, I've been MIA. Sorry about that. I was just south of the great white north for a wedding and decided to leave my computer at home. I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN BECAUSE LIVING WITHOUT TECHNOLOGY IS MISERABLE. Anyway, that slightly hindered my ability to write an internet post, so I promise I will be extra productive in the next week or so.

Next, I realize I already reviewed Glee. However, it was a short review that touched on the first episode after Glee's long hiatus. After a whole season of this show, I want to give a thorough summary of my thoughts on this pop culture phenomenon.

Finally, there is an edit to the Sex and the City 2 review. Look for the word "edit" in bold.

Disclaimer: I might piss off some Glee fans with this review. Let me put a smile on your face before we begin.

Whee toilet humor!!! Let's get started!


Yes. I said it. It's out there. Let that sink in and if you start to feel rage, look at the poop picture.

Now, before I get angry comments--doubtful given my current comments record--let me say that the cap locks word vomit is actually a bit of a compliment. Glee frustrates me because it has the most insane potential--it combines comedy, drama, music, suspense, and sexy bodies--and could very easily be the best show on TV. However, for every really great episode of Glee there are two or three stinking turds. When the season started back in the fall, I greeted each new episode with this sort of enthusiasm:


As the season progressed, my Glee reaction turned into this:

Hmm. Have I seen this before? I feel like Rachel's quit Glee club at least twice. Also, how is Mr. Schu still unaware that his wife is pregnant when they live together? I would totally touch her baby bump while she's sleeping. Was it really worth springing for the right's to You're Having My Baby? This is sort of gross. Yeah, I know this is a musical so some suspension of disbelief is required, but I mean come on some of these characters are getting a bit unbelievable. Also, something about Matthew Morrison is starting to bug me. Oh well, society will shun me if I criticize Glee now. I'd better shut up and sit in my corner because friends are more important than free thinking.

Then, after the hiatus, I wrote my earlier review. I summarized my reaction with the photo of a vomiting rainbow. That is still accurate.

Now, I feel a sad sense of resignation. Glee will never be as great as I want it to be and I'm too addicted to stop watching. It's this terrible situation where I watch with the naive hope that I'll get a great episode and I frequently have my hopes dashed. Sure, it's still occasionally awesome but you have to admit there are still lots of flaws with the show. I'm stuck in a "Glee purgatory" from which there is no escape. I suppose if I had to put this into a picture, it would look like this:

Yeah. I'm starting to get this Lord of the Flies feeling from Glee fans and I do worry that speaking my mind could lead to my murder, or worse, another forced viewing of Sex and the City 2.

Here are my issues with Glee that I wish would be resolved in season two. Yes, I know that Glee has great ratings, and according to Perez Hilton, commercial success is a only indicator of it's very unlikely that any changes will be made. I guess the producers will employ a strict "if it ain't broke, don't fix it policy." I mean, sure, that's true. But my toilet still works and that doesn't mean it wouldn't benefit from a thorough cleaning. Ok, I've digressed. Here are my issues.


1. Cut back on the recycled stories and present new material. THIS IS PARAMOUNT given that the Glee club didn't make regionals and now must relive the same timeline as this past season. Please don't give us the same storylines. Dear God no. If Rachel quits the Glee club again I'm going to shit a brick. Or, more likely, one of those marble stones the Greeks used.

2. Glee still functions pretty well when people aren't singing. You don't need to have songs just for the sake of featuring music. Examples: Papa Don't Preach, You're Having My Baby, THE ENTIRE DURATION OF BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (which could have been cut to three minutes), most of the funk episode, Gold Digger, No Air, etc. Even worse: derailing the entire plot to include a specific song. I would be ok with this if all of these musical numbers were well done-a la The Safety Dance--but since they're not, I'd like stronger storytelling. K thanks.

3. Ok, generally Glee is gay friendly, which I like. But seriously don't perpetuate some unrealistic views of los homos. I mean sure, I can have a small crush on a straight guy every now and then. Obviously I don't think it's going anywhere and don't do anything about it, but I highly doubt I'll be so in love with a straightie that I will manipulate my dad into falling for his mom so we can live together in my basement room and I can seduce him. I guess this is a small gripe, but if I were one of the four straight guys that watch Glee I would leave feeling a little more uncomfortable about having gay friends. More generally, I hope season two gives Kurt and Mercedes more to do than be sassy in the background and then march to the forefront when the show wants to make an overly-preachy LOVE YOURSELF THE WAY YOU ARE message.

4. Be more selective with your stunt casting. I would suggest that guest stars serve three essential functions: One. They are talented actors. Two. They can sing. Three. Their role is essential to the plot. Is that too much to ask? To this end, I would say Idina Menzel is the most successful guest this season. Kristen Chenoweth and Jonathan Groff were pretty good, with Cheno slightly lacking in plot necessity and Groff slightly lacking in acting talent. Take Olivia Newton-John's cameo as the converse. She didn't act well, sounded pretty bad on Physical, and definitely had no real purpose. Her role could have easily been switched to another star. I feel like I can't imagine anyone else taking Idina's part.

5. I would not be opposed to a shirtless guy-on-guy make out session. Preferably between Puck and Finn. True Blood is learning to pander to its audience. Take note, Glee.

6. If it weren't for the great talents of Jessalyn Gilsig and Jamya Mays, I would advocate eliminating Will Schuster's entire personal life from the show. The fake pregnancy/divorce/Emma love storylines have all been really oddly paced--going from really drawn out to super rushed, which makes those plots seem like time fillers. Furthermore, the only time I've really empathized with Will was when he was dealing with his students. I have a long laundry list of issues with Matthew Morrison which make me personally hate Will Schuster, but I will try to leave those out of this since I'm just focusing on the show. I would never use this blog as a place to slander celebrities. I would never be so crass as to say that when Matthew Morrison was singing Tell Me Something Good to Jane Lynch, I wanted her to spit into his open mouth. That would be rude.

7. I like Finn as a character on the show, but boy needs to step up his singing game. Or sing less. Hint hint. Same with Quinn. If I ever hear her sing James Brown again I'm going to vomit.

8. Considering how one note Sue has been most of the season, I like the direction she went in the finale. Keep that up in season two. I like seeing the softer side of Sue, as long as it isn't her being in love with Will. Where the Hell did that come from? Oh right, she's successful and single so according to Glee a woman like that will take any attention from a man because she's obviously desperate. This isn't the first time the writers have made Sue seem man crazy. Remember when she wore the suit after dating the newscaster? Yeah, thought so.

9. If you're feeling particularly masochistic, have a "Terrible Twos" movie marathon. Feature Transformers 2 and Sex and the City 2. This has nothing to do with Glee, but the name popped into my head and I had to write it down. Drink suggestions: shots of Everclear. You'll need them.

10. Less Will and more Santana/Britney/dancing Asian/black dancer who talked for the first time in the finale/Artie/Tina/Kurt/Mercedes/Finn/Quinn/Puck/Rachel. I wrote it out like this to emphasize just how many characters there are that could be explored instead of Will. We all know he's a soppy v that cries whenever his students make the smallest accomplishment. How about focusing on those achievements instead of close-ups of his face? We'll infer the soppy tears.

Alright, that's all for the subject of Glee. Here's to hoping that the writers ship up next season. I don't want to give up on this show completely, but if things don't change, I might.

Rating: I don't want to write it here, because I might get murdered/SATC2ed. Jesus I hated that movie. Anyway, here's a progressive grade for Glee:

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