TV Review: Glee Season Finale/Season One

Ok, a few things to clear up.

First, I've been MIA. Sorry about that. I was just south of the great white north for a wedding and decided to leave my computer at home. I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN BECAUSE LIVING WITHOUT TECHNOLOGY IS MISERABLE. Anyway, that slightly hindered my ability to write an internet post, so I promise I will be extra productive in the next week or so.

Next, I realize I already reviewed Glee. However, it was a short review that touched on the first episode after Glee's long hiatus. After a whole season of this show, I want to give a thorough summary of my thoughts on this pop culture phenomenon.

Finally, there is an edit to the Sex and the City 2 review. Look for the word "edit" in bold.

Disclaimer: I might piss off some Glee fans with this review. Let me put a smile on your face before we begin.

Whee toilet humor!!! Let's get started!

GLEE IS THE MOST INFURIATING SHOW ON TELEVISION RIGHT NOW.

Yes. I said it. It's out there. Let that sink in and if you start to feel rage, look at the poop picture.

Now, before I get angry comments--doubtful given my current comments record--let me say that the cap locks word vomit is actually a bit of a compliment. Glee frustrates me because it has the most insane potential--it combines comedy, drama, music, suspense, and sexy bodies--and could very easily be the best show on TV. However, for every really great episode of Glee there are two or three stinking turds. When the season started back in the fall, I greeted each new episode with this sort of enthusiasm:

OMG GLEE IS ON TONIGHT I CAN'T WAIT THIS IS SO AWESOME WHAT POP CULTURE SONG WILL THEY SING AND OMG WILL FINN AND RACHEL GET TOGETHER AND MR. SCHU IS SUCH A NICE TEACHER I'M SO SAD HE'S BEING MISLED BY HIS EVIL WIFE.

As the season progressed, my Glee reaction turned into this:

Hmm. Have I seen this before? I feel like Rachel's quit Glee club at least twice. Also, how is Mr. Schu still unaware that his wife is pregnant when they live together? I would totally touch her baby bump while she's sleeping. Was it really worth springing for the right's to You're Having My Baby? This is sort of gross. Yeah, I know this is a musical so some suspension of disbelief is required, but I mean come on some of these characters are getting a bit unbelievable. Also, something about Matthew Morrison is starting to bug me. Oh well, society will shun me if I criticize Glee now. I'd better shut up and sit in my corner because friends are more important than free thinking.

Then, after the hiatus, I wrote my earlier review. I summarized my reaction with the photo of a vomiting rainbow. That is still accurate.

Now, I feel a sad sense of resignation. Glee will never be as great as I want it to be and I'm too addicted to stop watching. It's this terrible situation where I watch with the naive hope that I'll get a great episode and I frequently have my hopes dashed. Sure, it's still occasionally awesome but you have to admit there are still lots of flaws with the show. I'm stuck in a "Glee purgatory" from which there is no escape. I suppose if I had to put this into a picture, it would look like this:

Yeah. I'm starting to get this Lord of the Flies feeling from Glee fans and I do worry that speaking my mind could lead to my murder, or worse, another forced viewing of Sex and the City 2.

Here are my issues with Glee that I wish would be resolved in season two. Yes, I know that Glee has great ratings, and according to Perez Hilton, commercial success is a only indicator of quality...so it's very unlikely that any changes will be made. I guess the producers will employ a strict "if it ain't broke, don't fix it policy." I mean, sure, that's true. But my toilet still works and that doesn't mean it wouldn't benefit from a thorough cleaning. Ok, I've digressed. Here are my issues.

SPOILERS AHOY!

1. Cut back on the recycled stories and present new material. THIS IS PARAMOUNT given that the Glee club didn't make regionals and now must relive the same timeline as this past season. Please don't give us the same storylines. Dear God no. If Rachel quits the Glee club again I'm going to shit a brick. Or, more likely, one of those marble stones the Greeks used.

2. Glee still functions pretty well when people aren't singing. You don't need to have songs just for the sake of featuring music. Examples: Papa Don't Preach, You're Having My Baby, THE ENTIRE DURATION OF BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (which could have been cut to three minutes), most of the funk episode, Gold Digger, No Air, etc. Even worse: derailing the entire plot to include a specific song. I would be ok with this if all of these musical numbers were well done-a la The Safety Dance--but since they're not, I'd like stronger storytelling. K thanks.

3. Ok, generally Glee is gay friendly, which I like. But seriously don't perpetuate some unrealistic views of los homos. I mean sure, I can have a small crush on a straight guy every now and then. Obviously I don't think it's going anywhere and don't do anything about it, but I highly doubt I'll be so in love with a straightie that I will manipulate my dad into falling for his mom so we can live together in my basement room and I can seduce him. I guess this is a small gripe, but if I were one of the four straight guys that watch Glee I would leave feeling a little more uncomfortable about having gay friends. More generally, I hope season two gives Kurt and Mercedes more to do than be sassy in the background and then march to the forefront when the show wants to make an overly-preachy LOVE YOURSELF THE WAY YOU ARE message.

4. Be more selective with your stunt casting. I would suggest that guest stars serve three essential functions: One. They are talented actors. Two. They can sing. Three. Their role is essential to the plot. Is that too much to ask? To this end, I would say Idina Menzel is the most successful guest this season. Kristen Chenoweth and Jonathan Groff were pretty good, with Cheno slightly lacking in plot necessity and Groff slightly lacking in acting talent. Take Olivia Newton-John's cameo as the converse. She didn't act well, sounded pretty bad on Physical, and definitely had no real purpose. Her role could have easily been switched to another star. I feel like I can't imagine anyone else taking Idina's part.

5. I would not be opposed to a shirtless guy-on-guy make out session. Preferably between Puck and Finn. True Blood is learning to pander to its audience. Take note, Glee.

6. If it weren't for the great talents of Jessalyn Gilsig and Jamya Mays, I would advocate eliminating Will Schuster's entire personal life from the show. The fake pregnancy/divorce/Emma love storylines have all been really oddly paced--going from really drawn out to super rushed, which makes those plots seem like time fillers. Furthermore, the only time I've really empathized with Will was when he was dealing with his students. I have a long laundry list of issues with Matthew Morrison which make me personally hate Will Schuster, but I will try to leave those out of this since I'm just focusing on the show. I would never use this blog as a place to slander celebrities. I would never be so crass as to say that when Matthew Morrison was singing Tell Me Something Good to Jane Lynch, I wanted her to spit into his open mouth. That would be rude.

7. I like Finn as a character on the show, but boy needs to step up his singing game. Or sing less. Hint hint. Same with Quinn. If I ever hear her sing James Brown again I'm going to vomit.

8. Considering how one note Sue has been most of the season, I like the direction she went in the finale. Keep that up in season two. I like seeing the softer side of Sue, as long as it isn't her being in love with Will. Where the Hell did that come from? Oh right, she's successful and single so according to Glee a woman like that will take any attention from a man because she's obviously desperate. This isn't the first time the writers have made Sue seem man crazy. Remember when she wore the suit after dating the newscaster? Yeah, thought so.

9. If you're feeling particularly masochistic, have a "Terrible Twos" movie marathon. Feature Transformers 2 and Sex and the City 2. This has nothing to do with Glee, but the name popped into my head and I had to write it down. Drink suggestions: shots of Everclear. You'll need them.

10. Less Will and more Santana/Britney/dancing Asian/black dancer who talked for the first time in the finale/Artie/Tina/Kurt/Mercedes/Finn/Quinn/Puck/Rachel. I wrote it out like this to emphasize just how many characters there are that could be explored instead of Will. We all know he's a soppy v that cries whenever his students make the smallest accomplishment. How about focusing on those achievements instead of close-ups of his face? We'll infer the soppy tears.

Alright, that's all for the subject of Glee. Here's to hoping that the writers ship up next season. I don't want to give up on this show completely, but if things don't change, I might.

Rating: I don't want to write it here, because I might get murdered/SATC2ed. Jesus I hated that movie. Anyway, here's a progressive grade for Glee:

TV Review: Glee

Unless you live in a cave or just got out of prison, you know that Glee made its return to tv last night, following a rather tepid episode of American Idol. Naturally, I was full of excitement because this show is super super super gay and therefore fits my lifestyle. I even wore my dress snuggie for the occasion and had a fancy dinner from Domino's pizza.

After watching the episode, I was forced to face a sad reality. Yes, the show is super fabulous, the singing is great, and the one liners are hilarious. However, the plot lines are so ridiculous and poorly planned that I have to suspend my belief to the point where they could probably get away with some Lost-esque antics. Oh wait, Lost understands story structure. Bad analogy. I guess I should have thought through this paragraph before I started. TAKE NOTE, WRITERS.

Here's how I imagine the Glee storyboarding process sounds:

Producer 1: "Oh hay guys, Lionel Richie gave the rights to his song Hello. And we have Gives You Hell! And Highway to Hell! Can't wait to put these all in an episode!!"

Producer 2: "OMG you guys, Idina Menzel agreed to guest star in Glee! And that dude from Spring Awakening. People will totes mcgotes want to watch this."

Staff Writer: "Lolz I just wrote a really funny Katrina joke har har har."

Head Writer: "HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TURN THIS INTO AN EPISODE?!?"

They should hire this guy to handle the episodes, because he'll do a better job:

Those glasses mean business! And he's clearly literate.

So anyway, here's my plot summary of last night:

Ok so the Glee kids are back at school and everything's super awesome because they won sectionals but now they have to get ready for regionals so the best way to do that is to sing a song with the word "Hello" in it because this is a new beginning for them or some garbage and then Sue is back at school and she wants to take down the Glee club to get revenge on Will so naturally she enlists two high school girls to do her dirty work because anyone who's ever manufactured anything knows children are the best workers and adults are incapable of handling anything and then Rachel is super in love with Finn but he feels smothered so they break up and then immediately Santana and Brittany ask him out while Jesse from Vocal Adrenaline, that's their rivals btw, makes a play for Rachel and omg she's in love and it's 25 minutes into the episode and then Finn decide he does want to be with Rachel and this is about four minutes after he broke up with her and then oh wow she's with this Jesse guy and Finn thinks it's a trap and so Will goes to the Adrenaline rehearsal and Idina Menzel tries to suck his face but it doesn't work because he just divorced his wife three minutes ago and he's dating Emma but clearly that means nothing but it does because he stops and then Emma breaks up with him after Terri drops in and freaks her out because oh wait Will just got divorced five minutes ago and and so all of the relationships that started built last season are gone one episode in and pretty much all of this is moot because next week is the Madonna episode and nothing else matters.

Yes I love Glee, but I think the plot is best summarized this way:

Rating: 3/5 stars

TV Tidbits

Hello, criticism fans! It’s been a little while since I’ve written something, but I’d like to think I’m back with a vengeance. The creative juices are finally flowing, and it’s not just because I had Olive Garden for dinner last night. I have several things I want to say, but I’d like to start with some TV reviews. Instead of busting my balls to write a full review of new TV shows, I think I’m just going to write one long entry that addresses several TV treasures (or trash heaps). Without further ado, here are my snap judgments of fall TV ’09.

Glee

Read my review for more thoughts. Rating: 4.5/5 stars.

90210

Ditto. 3.5/5 stars.

Melrose Place

Ah, another CW remake is taking shape. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be pulling in the ratings that 90210 is managing. Fortunately, it’s off to a much more promising first season than its comrade. With murder, prostitution, theft, and bitchy dialogue, Melrose Place is definitely somewhere I’d want to move in. 3.5/5 stars.

Project Runway

Of course, Heidi and Tim always seem to make it work. Even with Michael and Nina constantly MIA and a generally blah cast of designers (both personality and talent-wise), somehow our German bombshell and gay Oprah manage to still create consistently entertaining TV. Even on Lifetime. Rating: 3.5/5 stars.

Top Chef

Now that Projway has said auf Wiedersehen to Bravo, Top Chef is the new alpha male. As a new Top Chef fan, I have to say that I’m really enjoying this season. The challenges are interesting and the chefs are compelling. My personal favorite is Jen, the bitch who knows it and works it. Sadly, it seems like the top five chefs are extremely obvious at this point, so some of the dramatic tension is lacking. However, it’s still mouth-watering television. Rating: 4/5 stars.

Parks and Recreation

I don’t think there’s a show that I’m rooting for more adamantly than Parks & Rec. I’m rooting for Amy Poehler’s sitcom to truly hit its stride and become as hilarious and compelling as its ancestor, The Office. It is definitely making baby steps towards becoming a surefire hit, but it’s still pretty tentative at this point. The laughs are hit-or-miss, and some of the tertiary characters need to be fleshed out more. That being said, the show is still very new so I’m optimistic. Rating: 3/5 stars

The Office

The Office came back in fine form this year. The premiere was touching, outrageous, and involved many of the side characters who had been benched in recent seasons. To me, I’ve always thought showing more Kevin, Angela, Meredith, Kelly, etc. is the show’s ticket to comic gold and I think this season seems to be on that path. Rating: 4.5/5 stars.

Community

So far, Community is runner up for the award for most promising season premiere (I’m technically counting Glee’s premiere as a part of the tail end of last season, so there's another first place prize). The characters seem quite varied and the writing is extremely snappy. It also seems to be a show that has slightly more sophisticated humor, so the audience might actually have to think in order to get some of the jokes. That’s what makes 30 Rock and Arrested Development so great. Perhaps Community is on that path? Rating: 4/5 stars.

Modern Family

Modern Family just inched out Community for my favorite premiere. This show is ripe with laughs and relatable characters. I think I about peed myself with the Circle of Life came on. If you watch the premiere, you’ll know what I mean. Rating: 4.5/5 stars.

The Vampire Diaries

Sadly, I might not be able to watch this show as consistently as I’d like. It conflicts with too many other programs and I might lose touch with it as the year goes on. However, I will do my best to keep up with it based on the first episode. Granted, the originality factor is missing because this show is Twilight minus the bad acting plus great dialogue. Yet, any show that references “tranny mess” deserves bonus points. Kevin Williamson might have another hit on his hands. Rating: 3.5/5 stars.

Gossip Girl

Well Upper East Siders, our favorite chic debutantes are back at it again. This time, at college. Although Serena, Blair, and company don’t get to school until next week, there was a bit of good drama this week. However, it seems like the storylines are running in circles and the show could use a good dose of originality. Perhaps college is the ticket? Rating: 3/5 stars.

TV Review: Glee

Fox is brilliant. By teasing millions of people with the pilot of Glee, the network’s most promising new show, Fox managed to mount a maelstrom of enthusiasm for last night’s season premiere. Twitter was abuzz with posts about Glee, Facebook was abuzz with posts about Glee, and my pants were abuzz because I think Matthew Morrison (who plays teacher Will Schuester) is super hot. All in all, people were excited.

However, did the show live up to its expectations? Overall, I would say yes. The show delivered some great musical numbers, particularly Lea Michele’s interpretation of Rihanna’s Take a Bow. Indeed, Michele is blessed with the best voice on the show so it should come as no surprise that her song stood out. The group’s version of Push It was hilariously raunchy and their take on Golddigger was very funky, despite Morrison’s tendency to over-enunciate the rap lines. A valid concern that a friend pointed out was that the musical numbers are very obviously recorded. It does tend to be a bit distracting and seems only to serve as an advertisement for the tracks on iTunes. Perhaps in later episodes they’ll give the music more of a “live” feel. Half of this last paragraph is the intellectual property of ALR, but I fully agree.

The show seems to be setting itself up for some promising storylines. The tension between Quinn, Rachel (Michele’s character), and Finn will no doubt provide some great moments. Additionally, the burgeoning relationship between Jayma Mays’ Emma and Will has to eventually cause marriage problems for Will. It’ll be exciting to see where that goes. I would like to see the other Glee members more fully developed, but a few other reviews have indicated that the show will explore the other characters more fully. The students are the heart and soul of Glee, because they're the ones we're rooting for and they're the ones who are struggling through high school.

I have two small criticisms that I hope the show addresses. First of all, I feel like a few of the adults are becoming caricatures. Jane Lynch, who is delicious wicked as the Cheerios coach, may become a bit one-note if her character’s motivations aren’t explained. She’s evil, and Lynch has some of the best lines on the show, but I think her character could use a bit more depth. The same could be said for Jessalyn Gilsig, who plays Terri Schuester. To be blunt, she doesn’t resemble any real human beings I’ve ever met. I think she could, quite easily, if we get to learn more about her backstory and what makes her tick.

My other worry is that the show might have a hard time sustaining itself. The concept seems to lend itself much more easily to a movie than to a TV show. Hopefully the songs and storylines will stay fresh. Nevertheless, the show right now is a clever, heartfelt, and musical delight. It definitely keeps me full of glee.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars